How Two Bananas Showed Me That I Am Entitled

I used to have a very serious vendetta against bananas.

Seriously. I hated their very essence. Even the smell of a banana would send me spiraling into a fit of conniption. Why these harsh feelings? I trace it back to an unfortunate experience at Sunday School long ago.

I was about five years old and fairly notorious for my picky eating habits. The time was snack-time, presumably after a stimulating Sunday School lesson filled with felt boards and coloring pages. The napkins were distributed, and the snack tossed haphazardly on top of them. A sinking feeling filled my growling stomach. Bananas? Bananas are the snack for today? I was thoroughly offended as my teacher continued to distribute our sub-par victuals. Really, lady? Whatever happened to animal crackers, the official Sunday School snack of the 90's?

Being the good sport that I am, I took a tentative bite of my banana. I then proceeded to suppress a gag, spit the banana out, and swear off bananas for the next 17 years.

But a 22-year-old fresh on the mission field doesn't quite have the luxury of being selective. When my parents and I first moved to the DR we hardly knew anything, and we especially didn't know how to find and make good food during our first few weeks. Our meals consisted mostly of eggs, noodle soup, and-you guessed it-bananas. At this point in my life my brain was developed enough to win the logical argument that bananas were good for me and I should eat them. I fumbled with the peel and begrudgingly tasted my first banana in almost two decades.

I wish I could say it was love at first taste, but my love for bananas was a slow process. We had to get to know each other, appreciate each other for who we were. It helps that island bananas are far superior to American bananas. By the time a month had passed I was completely sold on bananas, especially in the form of a smoothie.

And so we became regular banana purchasers. We found a banana vendor that we liked and made sure to stop by at least once or twice a week. The going price for bananas here is 3 bananas for 10 pesos. which is about 8 cents a banana. Our typical order was 9 bananas, mostly because that was about how many we could eat before they went bad (they sell bananas pretty ripe around here-there is no such thing as buying them to ripen at home).

One day as my dad was taking our bananas out of the bag he counted them and discovered something delightful-our vendor had given us 11 bananas. 11 bananas when we only paid for 9! Could we really be this lucky? Was there a mistake on his end? Should we take two bananas back? We decided he was just feeling generous that day and we celebrated our good fortune.

But then something strange happened: we continued to get bonus bananas. Sometimes it was one, sometimes even 3, but mostly 2 extra bananas seemed to become the norm. And so we fell into a pattern of ordering bananas and receiving extra. It was a good life, a happy life.

Then came the fated day I will never forget. My dad had returned from getting a fresh supply of bananas and he was taking them out of the bag and putting them on our banana plate (yes, we have a special plate for bananas. It's green and sits on top of the refrigerator so the ants can't get them). Suddenly he looked up, almost at a loss for words.

"They just gave us 9," he said incredulously. I reeled back, completely blindsided by the news. We shared a dumbfounded look for a moment as a deep sense of injustice began to rise within me. 9 bananas? Is that all we are worth to them now? They gave us 9 bananas? Is this some kind of sick joke? The horror, the audacity! I can't believe them! How dare they, how dare they-

-give us exactly what we ordered, what we deserved.

How dare they? How do I dare to get upset when they have treated us nothing but fairly? We paid for 9 bananas and we received 9 quality bananas. There was no crime, no act of sabotage. The only problem here was my attitude.

Do you see what happened? At some point in our dealings with our bananas vendor I began to expect those free bananas. I began to feel like I deserved those free bananas. I had become (dare I say it?) entitled to those free bananas.

The reason I am telling you this story is to show you just how easy it is to become entitled, and thus why we should be so careful in making sure we don't create opportunities for others to become entitled in our ministries. All it took were a few times of receiving something free, something I didn't work for and didn't deserve, and just like that my mind began telling me that I should expect these free things because they belonged to me. I have seen the same thing happen in the villages I work in. Someone receives a free service or material item, and after a few times they come to expect it from everyone who comes into their community. They begin to feel entitled to my material resources and become upset when I don't freely give it to them.

This tendency is not limited to people in impoverished communities. Obviously not, after sharing my own experience of entitlement. There is no such thing as a rich man's sin or a poor man's sin. Sin permeates every corner of the globe, and it shows no regard for class distinction. I can't judge someone for forming the very same attitude that I had in a similar situation, but I can learn how to stop contributing to the problem.

Do I think our vendor was wrong for giving us extra bananas? No, not at all. He can't help my attitude and it ultimately did not inhibit my ability to live a quality, independent life. This is also a slightly different circumstance because this man is running a business, not some sort of social assistance ministry. In this instance what I needed was a gentle shake and a reminder to pull myself together and view these extra bananas as a gift, not something I deserved.

But what about in the ministry world? We need to ask ourselves the hard questions and be humble enough to consider the answers. Will giving out this material item eventually impede the receiver from living a quality, independent life? Do my material possessions speak louder than my overall witness of God? Is it possible that my material things could somehow harm other ministries in the area who may not have the resources that I do and thus can't (or won't) use material things to bring people to God? When people look at me, do they see my stuff or do they see Jesus?

As I said before, it is very easy to become entitled. It is not easy at all to keep a healthy attitude about "things," regardless if you are the giver or the receiver. And remember, we can't continue to feed into a natural human tendency (entitlement) and then get angry at people when they express the very attitude we helped create. Sometimes on the mission field I feel like we treat people like beggars and then condemn them for acting the part. Let's move forward cautiously as we seek God's will in missions around the world. It only takes two bananas to get off track. 

But don't let that discourage you from seeing the hope and potential that can be found everywhere you look.

If God Loves Me Like I Love My Niece

Well, you should have all seen this coming.

My niece is four months old, which means that for four months my insides have been melting and reforming around my new favorite human. I swear if you could look through my chest you would see the word "Lily" engraved on my heart. Wow, this is becoming unbelievably sappy. I'm sorry to put you all through this.

 The point is, with the arrival of my first niece came a flood of emotions. I experienced a deeper love than I have ever felt before. It was truly unconditional, because right now Lily can't do anything for me to earn my love. I love her because she belongs to me, because she is my family. It was both exhilarating and unnerving to realize how profoundly I could love another person. And as I thought about that, I naturally started thinking about God and what his love is like for us. What if God loved me like I love my niece? Lily has already taught me so much, and I wanted to pass along what I have learned so far to you. So without further ado:

If God loves me like I love my niece, then...

...he sees me as a perfect creation,

I mean, look at that face. Seriously. Could you get any more perfect? From one glance at Lily I can see she is a perfectly created person in every way. She is a beautiful blend of her parents with a special flair that is all Lily. It surprised me at how often I could just sit and watch her sleeping or playing and not grow tired of it. It's the same with me and God. He created me in a perfect way. He knew who I would be, what I would look like, before anyone else even gave me a thought. He never tires of watching me, because to him I am perfect, and I am his.

but not a perfect being.

Let's be real. Lily gets sassy sometimes. She cries when she wants to and she demands constant attention. She doesn't care that I have had a long day or that all I want to do is lay on the couch and watch some mind-numbing TV for a while. She is hungry, and the closest human to her better do something about it quickly, or she will give you a piece of her mind! And as she grows up she will make mistakes, some small, some big. She won't always be the model daughter or niece or friend. Does that mean I will love her any less? Of course not. My love for her is not conditional of her actions. Neither is God's love for me. I screw up at least ten times every day, and yet he is still there, offering me forgiveness and comfort. I'm sure there are many times when my selfish prayers sound like baby cries and the messes I make seem like infant mistakes, but he just patiently quiets me and cleans things up, all the while teaching me and guiding me as I grow.

...he sees some of his own qualities in me.

Lily and I both drool sometimes when we take naps. We have the same chubby cheeks. We both take mealtime extremely seriously, and I'm pretty sure we could both read books all day if we didn't have to take breaks for diaper changes (or bathroom breaks, if you're a big girl like me). And when she gets older I know I will see even more qualities that we share. It is an indescribable delight to find that I have things in common with my niece, and I can't wait for the chance to do things together that we both enjoy.

Something tells me God has more control over himself than to allow drool to ever escape, but I know that as his creation and as his follower I have inherited other qualities. Everything good in me comes straight from him. Even as a little girl I always displayed compassion and always considered other people's needs. Of course, my imperfection caused that quality to become more people-pleasing than compassionate, but that's usually how things go. In our broken world we have learned to take perfect things and corrupt them, knowingly or unknowingly. But the good is still there. And I think it delights God to no end to see his wonderful qualities being exemplified in his creation.

...he thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread.

Lily can basically hold her whole head up by herself without it lolling around. She has the best smile in the entire world (you can check-I did a study). She can blow bubbles in her mouth and grasp things with her hands. Wait-did you just say all babies can do those things? No, that's not right. At least, they can't do it like Lily can.

Do you see what I'm getting at? Lily is mine, so naturally she is the best. What baffles me is the fact that this is how God feels about each one of us. And it's not one of those lame things where people say that everyone is special as they hand each person a blue ribbon. God actually thinks we are cool. Even me. He gets excited when I do good things. He is proud when I accomplish things, like when I graduated college or learned how to eat with a spoon. He is my biggest fan, my most faithful supporter. He believes I can do great things, which leads me to my next point.

...he has big dreams for my life.

Guess who's going to be valedictorian in the year 2033? Yep, that't right. After getting a full scholarship to Harvard, Lily will become the first ever surgeon to perform brain surgery on Mars. Or maybe she will find a better solution to end world hunger. Maybe she will become a teacher that inspires thousands of children to pursue a better future. Or maybe, if she decides to get a job in waste management, she will be the best damn trash collector that ever lived.

It doesn't matter what she does with her life because I know it will be great and I know I will be as proud of her then as I am now. Even now I see so much potential in this little being that I almost can't wait to see where she decides to go. I think God feels the same about his creation. I know God has big plans for my life that he would love me to chase after. Sometimes he gives me glimpses of the plans he has and it scares the poop out of me, but knowing that he is leading me every step of the way makes it a little easier to digest.

And now for my final point. If God really loves me like I love me niece, then...

...he loves me more than I can understand.

There were so many times when I was with Lily that I would look at her and think, "You have no idea how loved you are." When we shared smiles and fun times I knew they meant more to me than they did to her. I think she understands happiness and comfort, but she isn't quite capable yet of understanding the full depth of how much I care for her. And she probably won't, until she has a niece or nephew of her own to watch and marvel at.

As a created being, I will never be able to truly fathom the love my creator has for me. I am so small, and he is so big. I have had 23 years to figure out what love is, whereas he is by nature love and has spent millennia demonstrating it to the world. By the end of my lifetime I will only have uncovered the surface of his love for me, and I intend on spending eternity uncovering the rest.

Here's the obvious truth: God does love me like I love my niece-only infinitely more. If I can love this much in my human brokenness, how much more can he, in his timeless perfection, love me? Lily depends pretty desperately right now on her parents and loved ones to feed her and make sure she has what she needs. I hope I remember how desperately I need God to get all that I need, and that I will cling to him in the times when we are sharing smiles and in the times when he is quieting my cries and wiping my tears.

Whenever I think of Lily I think of what an unbelievable privilege it is to love someone so deeply. I hope my words today will help you to think for a few moments about the people you love, and also to remember how much God dearly loves you.