As we continue to make improvements to our ministry's warehouse it became necessary to replace the innards of our toilets. And that's how I found myself holding one particularly large and old-looking toilet part and running in and out of every hardware store we could think of to try and find a replacement.
So there I stand at one particularly large hardware store, halfway through our search. My dad gives me the toilet part and tells me to "hold this and look pretty," so the men behind the counter will attend me in a timely fashion, but I can't help thinking that whatever appeal I may have been able to muster is severely diminished by this thing in my hand that clearly used to be a pristine white but now is faded and has some rusty brown spots. Luckily it is a slow day and I don't have to wait long for the men to look at the object in my hand in minor disgust and go to the back and bring out a smaller toilet part and say this is the biggest size they have. I am not an expert on toilets, but I'm pretty sure they aren't one-size-fits-all so I thank them and take my toilet part on the walk of shame out the door. Now just repeat this scenario five times and you begin to understand how I spent my day.
We try one last time at hardware store #6 before we plan to give up and import the stupid thing from the U.S. but lo and behold! the man steps in the back and immediately conjures up the toilet part of our dreams as if it has been waiting for us. No person has ever been so happy to buy a toilet part as we are this day.
Some days I wish I could change things around here. Some days I wish there would be a store with an Over-sized Toilet Section where I could leisurely browse for all my toilet needs. But there are some things you can't change.
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All I wanted was for them to consider what I was trying to say.
So there I stand, surrounded by a small group of men, and having to hear disrespectful and, in my opinion, degrading perspectives about women. At first I am shocked but then I am angry. The rage within me is boiling, though it takes some time for them to see. They continue to talk and to disregard the things I am trying to say. Because I am not really battling with them; I am battling with a lifetime of social norms that, quite simply, make things, even bad things, seem normal. Socially acceptable. Things that make women feel lowly and unimportant, Things that make people, especially women, feel like they can't fulfill their dreams or even have dreams. I am almost shaking and I know I need to flee the conversation. Very quickly after I escape I realize that I am not angry with them, but with their culture.
Some days I wish I could change things around here. Some days I wish I could fix the imperfections of the culture. Just like American culture and every other culture in the world, Dominican culture is not perfect. It is precious and I cherish it, but it is flawed. It has strayed from God's truth. But there are some things you can't change.
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All I wanted was to be a better role model.
So there I stand, torn between choices again. I can choose to spend more time with God or watch a movie instead. I can choose to go play outside with the neighborhood kids or read a book. I can choose to take a risk and strike up a conversation with that girl I don't know very well or I can stay silent. I can choose to extend grace to that person or I can sit back and judge him. And too often than not, I choose what is most gratifying to me in the moment. Because doing the right thing is hard sometimes.
Some days I wish I could change things around here. Some days I wish I could rely on God's strength more to become the person he sees in me. I wish I could do more to impact the community around me. I wish God could use me to transform the area he has put me in. But there are some things you can't change.
Wait a minute. That's not right. I can change myself. I can change the choices I make. I can allow God to use me in whatever way he wants.
Here's the thing: life has become this vicious sinful cycle that has a bigger impact on us than we know, and that we have a bigger impact on than we know. Culture is shaped by its people and people are shaped by their culture. If we want to change one we have to change the other as well. But we can't change culture unless we change people first. And the only people we can truly change is ourselves.
I can't tell people that they should respect women but I can become a woman worthy of respect.
I can't tell my neighbor how to treat his family but I can treat mine with all the love that Christ has shown me.
I can't break that person's addiction, but I can be there with open arms and loving truth when she comes to me broken and empty.
Do you know that all God wants from us is to be with us? To have a relationship with us? What if we all focused on that instead of worrying and obsessing over things that we have no power over? We have power over one thing in this world-the level of closeness we have with God. Maybe if we all focused on that we would truly see some transformed cultures. The world is a very long work in progress, just like us.
There is one thing you can change: your willingness to be changed by Christ. Change that, and you can change the world. Toilets and all.
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