Unfortunately missionary furlough many times ends up being even more exhausting than everyday missionary life. People line up at the door-or send text messages nowadays-to treat you to dinner and hear an update on your life. Churches invite you to come speak to their congregations and share your experiences. And if your sending country is the U.S. or another Western country, as soon as you step off the plane you are smacked in the face with a very large dose of material splendor and sensory overload. And the choices; oh the endless amount of choices you are faced with. The other day I stood in front of a touch screen at Sheetz for about 20 minutes trying to keep calm as I was bombarded with seemingly infinite choices for the breakfast sandwich I was trying to order (for those of you who don't know what Sheetz is, I do pity you. But seriously, it's overwhelming).
So people who are in the sending country who are about to welcome a weary missionary into their lives for a month or two-first of all know that we are so happy to see you and really do want to spend time with you and share what God is doing on the field. But you have to understand: coming to the U.S. after spending so much time in a developing country can sometimes make you feel like this:
Ok, does everyone feel better? Let's crack on then.
The point of my blog today is to share my wisdom about leaving the mission field and reentering the "home" field for a little while. That is a hard process, especially when you're a severely introverted person (like me) who needs to crawl in a hole every now and then to function like a normal human being. What I have to say is not unique, and it's actually probably pretty sound advice for anyone who needs a break in their life. But I'm hoping that by the end missionaries will find at least a little nugget of advice to help them truly embrace this weird time of furlough, and that others will be able to understand what a missionary goes through when they come back to their home country after a long time somewhere else.
And so without further ado, this is my guide to a restful and enjoyable furlough:
1. Crawl in a hole.
I don't mean literally, unless you're into that sort of thing. Everybody's first instinct-missionary and non-missionary alike-is to hit the ground running and reconnect with absolutely everybody you have ever come into contact with before becoming a missionary. And while I'm sure Greg from the gas station where your car broke down that one time is probably a cool guy, you have to take some time to be alone, with yourself and also with God, and sort through any thoughts or feelings you may have. Or just to stay grounded and relax a little bit after a long travel day. In America finding time to crawl in a hole and disappear for a few hours is actually really difficult to do, so you have to make an effort. But it's worth it. And, for people like me, very necessary. Choosing to ignore this need will cause you to be less effective and also less enjoyable when you finally do get the chance to hang out with Greg from the gas station.
2. Be alone in public.
Even introverts get lonely and need to be with people every now and then. But that doesn't mean they actually have to talk to those people. In the Dominican I can't walk or drive anywhere without someone pointing out, or screaming and literally pointing, that I am in fact a young, white American woman passing through. While I appreciate their announcement (I ignore the rude gestures and words they sometimes use and pretend instead it's like a princess being announced into the ballroom), it's exhausting to always be noticed. I don't know why, but it's oddly comforting to walk into a public place, like Walmart or Starbucks, and have absolutely no one take notice of you. Being anonymous in a crowd is pretty relaxing, and you should try it sometime. Be with the human race without actually taking part in the human race. Go to Starbucks, or your favorite local cafe (go local business!), bite the bullet and have that thirty second interaction with the person at the register to place your order, and then go sit at a table with headphones in for the next five hours, and tell me you don't leave feeling refreshed.
3. Create a routine.
This is the absolute hardest thing to do. I have been in the States for exactly two weeks now (when did that happen??) and still haven't made a routine for myself. I alternate between days of waking up at 6:30 in the morning to go to a church or other engagement and days of rolling out of bed around 10, sitting on the couch with a bowl of Coco-Puffs and waiting for an acceptable hour to eat lunch. Even if you just set aside thirty minutes, the same thirty minutes, every day to spend some quiet time with God, it will give you something to hold on to during those hectic days. Believe it or not, humans crave order and patterns, so having at least a suggested routine for yourself will be beneficial. It might not seem important, but you have just been ripped from your normal life and plopped into a world that probably runs ten times faster than the one you're used to. Close your eyes, take a breath, and pencil in 7:30-8:00 P.M. as your quiet time. Or whenever.
4. Don't be afraid to say no.
Ok, I lied, This is the absolute hardest thing to do. Most likely there will be more people who want to see you than you can possibly fit in your already crazy schedule. Friends, family, and supporters will all fill up your time much more quickly than you think. And if you're an esteemed missionary and coveted public speaker like I am, church groups and congregations will be trying to book you months in advance. Or (a little closer to the truth) you had four Sundays to spend with supporting churches and a fifth one asked you to come last minute.
Regardless of how it happened, you just have to be OK with saying no sometimes. It really is impossible to spend adequate time with everyone who wants to see you during furlough. You have to make choices, and you have to do what's best for you and your family. You could try to wake up at 5 in the morning and run around to different churches all day to say a 10-minute spiel at each one, but you will exhaust yourself and won't give your supporters a fair chance to talk with you. Say no. People will understand. And if they don't, who needs human approval anyway?
5. Be a little reckless.
I know I said it's good to have a routine, but you should also let yourself have some spontaneous time as well. One of the things I miss the most while on the mission field is having the freedom to do things on a whim. My independence and opportunities are much more limited than they were when I lived in the States. Even if I could find a way to get somewhere (which would probably be my daddy driving me-crazzzaayyy) where would I go? There is no movie theater, no mall, no hangout spot that is safe to be after dark. If you get a craving for a burger at 3 in the morning in the States you don't have to go far, and you don't have to depend on anyone else to get you there. If I crave a burger in the Dominican at 3 in the morning I'm out of luck because everything has been closed for five hours and there's not many places to get a decent burger anyway.
So take advantage of the first-world luxury around you! Embrace the fact that you have a break from normal life and can do less-than-perfectly responsible things. Have that drink at happy hour with your friends. Take a spur-of-the-moment day trip to a cool place. Stay up until dawn reading a book. Take an extra-long hot shower even though you don't need it because America is so clean and not dusty and you literally haven't sweat or produced body odor in three days which is a first in a long time but your hair is getting greasy so maybe that shower is actually necessary. Last night I threw caution to the wind and ate an entire chocolate Easter bunny by myself even though the nutrition label clearly said there were two servings. But that was after I ate one of those creme-filled Cadbury eggs and like 6 pancakes and a double cheeseburger meal from McDonald's so my stomach started to regret my reckless choices as the night wore on. I have a feeling I'm not improving your opinion of me right now. What's a couple extra pounds...or five, among friends?
6. Treat Yo'self.
My final suggestion in this guide to successful furlough is to reward yourself for being great. As a missionary-and really any halfway decent person in general-you put others before yourself the majority of the time. Many days in the Dominican my nap will get interrupted by someone at the door, our dinner will get pushed back because someone needs something, or our day off will end at 9 in the morning with a phone call that sends us back down the mountain into town. So take this opportunity to splurge on yourself. Don't worry what other people think or want. Go to the store you love, pick something out, and treat yourself. And if you hesitate, find the nearest mirror, look at yourself, and say "Hey you-you deserve this." For me, treating myself looks like buying the Indiana Jones trilogy and more Chipotle burrito bowls than I care to admit. Yes, I am a nerd. And a pig. But hey-I deserve it. And so do you.
I miss my life and my friends in the Dominican like crazy, and it almost feels like I'm caught between two worlds. It almost feels like my life here in the States can't really exist while I'm living my life in the DR. Some days it seems crazy to me that the God I serve is the God of the DR as well as the U.S. But then I am blown away yet again at how big He is and what an honor it is to work for Him wherever I find myself. So I stay close to Him so I can at least partially wrap my head around things. And I follow this guide to make sure I have the best furlough I can have.
Happy furlough, fellow missionaries.
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