I have put off writing this, mainly because I wasn’t
sure how to put everything into words. There is so much to say, and yet when I
sit down to tell you about it, no words come. But I feel like now it is time;
many of you already know the announcement I’m about to make, through some
letters we have sent out or through talking to us in person.
After a lot of prayer and discussion, my parents and
I feel that, for a variety of reasons, our time in the Dominican Republic is
coming to an end.
Did I just say that? This is me we’re talking about;
for the past seven years (for those of you keeping score at home, that’s about
a third of my lifetime) I have lived, breathed, and dreamed of nothing but the
Dominican Republic. Not a day has gone by since my first trip here when I was
16 that I haven’t thought about my dear country that I fell in love with so
quickly. I read so many books, did so many assignments in college, all geared
toward having a successful ministry in the Dominican Republic. And now,
I’m…supposed to leave?
At the end of 2015, my parents and I will be
finishing our work in the DR and heading back to the United States for the next
step in God’s plan for our lives. You probably read through that last sentence
really fast, but I can’t tell you how long it took for me to actually write. I
hope to always be honest with you, and this is honestly a decision that was
really hard for me to make. During the process of deciding to leave the DR I
felt anger, bitterness, frustration, uncertainty, and a lot of sadness. I was
angry at God for giving me such a small amount of time here; I was angry at
life for not turning out the way I thought it should; and I was angry at
myself, because at first even the thought of leaving my home here felt like an unforgivable betrayal. It hurt my misplaced sense of pride, as if leaving here
is equal to failure. I’m sure many other missionaries who have left their
mission field have felt that very same way.
Though I will never be able to fully explain why we
are leaving at the end of the year, mostly because God hasn’t really told me
himself the whole story, I do want to tell you that we are not leaving because
of something bad that happened or because we are culturally, emotionally, or
physically exhausted. We have a wonderful life here, and though it is far from
easy and even farther from perfect, we have thoroughly enjoyed our time here.
The friends we have made are beautiful people, and my heart will ache to leave
them. The work we have done is slowly growing and developing, and it will be
hard to leave it behind for others to continue. But in all things I have to
trust that God knows what he is doing, and that he really is working in all
things for the good of those who love him (which is me-and my Dominican
brothers and sisters).
For a while now I have felt completely at peace with
my decision, and I was even excited to see what God has in store for me in the
future. But I have to admit that as soon as I began to write these words to you
all of my feelings of sadness and doubt came rushing back. I think it’s because
this kind of makes it seem more final. When I make this announcement, there’s
no turning back. I am ready, now, to face the future, but it still hurts. I
know in December I will leave a big piece of my heart behind.
So what’s next for my family? In truth we haven’t
established any set plans yet, but we will definitely keep you informed! My
heart and soul still feel the distinct call to the mission field, though which
particular one I am not sure. We would appreciate all of your prayers as we
begin to wind down in the next coming months and prepare to transition back to
the States. Pray for us to finish our work well, and for the people around us
that we will be leaving. And as always pray for God to move in mighty ways in
the DR; he has big plans for this country, and I feel so honored and privileged
to have played a small part in his greater plan.
Thank you for reading, and for understanding, and
for praying. Thank you for being with us during our journey. You have meant
more to us than you will ever know.
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